I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
