she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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