He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
