So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
