There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
