A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
