You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
A bitchslap is in order.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
