if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
