you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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