You just made me feel so damn special
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
