1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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