Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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