well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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