Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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