my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just cropdusted the office
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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