yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Bring me that man meat
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
