32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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