this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
