if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize