Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize