It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
