I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
