just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
