why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
