I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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