i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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