i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
