no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
