singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
