I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
