Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
