I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
