If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize