Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
