Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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