I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
