I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize