Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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