You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
