I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
