I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
