We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That accounts for only three of the penises
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
