sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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