So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
