Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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