In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
