Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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