Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
