I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
