Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
