There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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