Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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