We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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