I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
