You made me cry and you don't even care
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
