I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
