spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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