can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
