I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My vagina just recognized that song.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
