ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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