This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
