If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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