Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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