I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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