chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
