the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize