then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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