haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
