Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
