Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
