my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
this beer tastes like vomit already
Redeem this text for a blowjob
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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