Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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