i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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