i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize