I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
