She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
