There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
