my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
