she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
