Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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