Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
