I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
