winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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